Fridays Session

Friday was a very important session for me I think that learned a lot a about myself and my interactions with others. I think that this was an important session because my medication is working I am better at thinking things through and letting things go that have been bogging my mind and I had a good 24 to digest everything (on the drive from Utah to Houston) The councilor gave me some suggestions and some great Ideas of how to cope with different things and also helped me put some things in perspective. One thing that I have been coping with for some time (well as long as I remember) is self worth. I have never really thought much of myself. I have always put others ahead of my self constantly putting myself on the back burner. If I had something even if I really enjoyed that item or thing if I felt that someone else would benefit from what I had I would give it up. (on my mission I gave my own personal scriptures many times to members and people I taught) I also have a hard time having faith in myself. I always think that I am really not worth it and sometimes things happen that both confirm and deny self worth. The councilor asked me to say out load that I was worth it. It was one of the hardest things that I have ever done. I truly can't believe how hard and emotional it was to say "I am worth it" he quoted a scripture that we should love our neighbor as ourselves not more or less than our selves but more. I think that him saying that helped me to put things in perspective that I need to love myself more that some times I need to look out for number one. I have already come up with some things that I want to do, simple things that I have not done because I was worried about others or I have put these things off because other things would come up that I would do for others. The last thing that the Councilor helped put into perspective for me was a situation that I went through almost a month ago that still eats at me( for more info please see my blog titled my trip to Arizona) It killed me that because of ta decision that i made hurt I love and now they wont talk to me. The councilor told me that it is inevitable that we will hurt the ones that we love or disappoint them. He said that that in many cases strength comes from the moments like this. Moments like that are when people learn to communicate, see the others persons point of view he also said that in these instances we get to practice forgiveness and feel a deeper love for the person. This really helped me put things in perspective and is helping me become a healthier person. In no way shape or form did I want to hurt her but, it happened. I am not a perfect person, I try as hard as I can. I make mistakes and I am not perfect. Whenever I am dating a person I try as hard as I can to help that person become the best person that they can be to help them accomplish their dreams. I try to help them have joy in their lives (sometimes joking around) . I try not to disappoint the girls that I date, and most importantly I put my whole heart into everything that I do and I try to be as honest as possible. I know that I am not perfect and that sometimes I lack some of these qualities. Every day I just try to do better. I feel that I will be able to do better with my medication and working with councilors. I will continue to do my best in the relationships that I am in and with my future relationships. If the going gets tough and the other party refuses to talk there is really not anything that I can do. It is interesting to me that if we cut our hand we put a band aid on it as soon as possible but many times when we have problems in a relationship we let it fester. I think that the two can cause damage. more to come tomorrow